Terrible Movie Sequels

Now it's time for the bad movie sequels. A lot, more likely most, movie sequels are not as good as the originals. I would say it has to do with people just wanting to milk the franchise for more money. Anyway, what qualifies a movie for this list is not that it is not as good as the original, but that it is so bad it should never have been made. Also I should clarify, these are all movies that I have seen. There are some worse ones out there but they have not been viewed by yours truly.

Conan the Destroyer (1984)

Sequel to the best sword and sorcery movie ever made. Low fantasy at its finest. How could the sequel to Conan the Barbarian be bad? We still got Schwarzenegger as Conan. We still have Mako playing whoever he's supposed to be. Unfortunately those are the only good aspects of the movie. They got Bob from Batman as a coward who stabs people in their kidneys and Grace Jones as an extremely annoying amazon-type lady. As a side note, there is a picture of her on the inside of the DVD cover where her boob is exposed. Who let that one slip? Get it, slip? I'm hilarious! So yeah, Conan fights a guy wearing like half of a gorilla costume. Also they try to turn up the humor which is a mistake in a movie like this. Awful.

Die Hard 2 (1990)

Tough cop gets stuck in a building full of terrorists. Awesome. Now he's at the airport. Not anywhere near as cool. I've been to that airport and nothing like that happened when I was there. What are the odds that something like this would happen to the same guy from the Nakatomi building incident. At least with the third movie, which I admit I have not seen, it connects to the first one. Whatever. Did you know they made a video game based on John McClane being an older guy having to rescue his then police officer daughter? It's true.

Neverending Story 2 (1990)

Falkor cannot support an entire movie by himself. New Bastion, new Atreyu, new child-like empress, and Rock Biter has a baby. No, no, no, and no. The movie itself is based on the original book, somewhat. The end product is just bad. The villains in it are super lame. There's Xayide who is the boss and she's all cunning and tempting. That's cool enough I guess. Her main assistant is a rip off of He-Man's Man-E-Faces and her spy is a chicken-man. Seriously, a chicken-man. Next movie.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

I have to admit, killing off Johnny Cage in like the first five minutes of the movie made me think it was gonna be really good. It sucked though. Sub Zero came back and I think Scorpion too, I don't remember. Didn't they die in the first movie? Yeah, in this one they are like brothers with the same name or clones, I don't really know or care. Raiden gives up his powers, Jax somehow fights better without super-human cyborg arms, and for some reason, even though they make robots and cyborgs, no just takes a gun and shoots people. Once you introduce robots, ninjas are no longer that special. Even freezing ones.

Batman and Robin (1997)

I count this one as a number two sequel because it is the second one by Joel Schumacher. Batman Forever came out and we all had a good laugh but his play time was over. He should have left the franchise alone. Now come on, is it that bad? Let's just take a look. My favorite Batman Villain, Bane, was ruined because they made him a dumb brute instead of a criminal genius. My second favorite Batman villain, Mr Freeze, was ruined because they turned a misguided skinny scientist into a jacked guy who can't stop making ice puns. Batman was ruined because the Bat suit had nipples. Poison Ivy is not really a "movie caliber" villain. Batgirl was completely changed and introduced so late in the movie that no one really cares. What did she do anyway? This was made so shortly after Clueless I was expecting Batgirl to break out a cellphone and say "whatever." Robin was always lame, there's no way this movie was gonna make him cool.