Death Sentence (2007)How did I see it: In the theaters
What was good about it: John Goodman had a funny line in it.
Why it disappoints: This is another one of those revenge movies that have flooded the cinema ever since people got all nostalgic about Death Wish. Kevin Bacon is by no means Charles Bronson. Instead of being about a one man crusade against evil with the hero killing off the bad guys in action-packed fights and unique killing methods (see The Punisher) this movie instead looks at how revenge leads to a descent into becoming evil. The main bad guy in the film actually says at one point, "Look at what I made you." This is one of those times where I want the cliche so bad.
Spiderman 3 (2007)
How did I see it: In the theaters
What was good about it: The casting for Sandman was perfect and the fight scene between Sandman and Spiderman in the sewers was pretty cool.
Why it disappoints: Casting is really important in a movie. Peter Parker/Spiderman, Harry Osbourne, Aunt May, J.J. Jameson, Gwen Stacy, and Sandman were all cast very well. That's almost all of the main characters. They messed up on Mary Jane and Eddie Brock/Venom. Kirsten Dunst playing Mary Jane in the third movie only makes sense because she played her in the other two. She does not fit the role though. Mary Jane is supposed to be a bombshell. Dunst doesn't cut it. Sorry lady. The one I will not apologize to is Topher Grace. Eddie Brock is supposed to be able to bench like 600 pounds. Eric Foreman is not a super villain. And they kept on showing his face. Leave the Venom mask on because it looks so much cooler!
Nightwatch (2004)
How did I see it: I bought it, ugh
What was good about it: There is a scene where the main character is on a subway car and he screams over nothing. It's pretty funny but it's not intentional.
Why it disappoints: It's not good. It's just a bad movie. The story sucks and I didn't give a crap about the characters. I thought the idea of good guys and bad guys fighting a secret war against each other would be cool. It's not. Because of this film I don't think I'm going to watch any more Russian cinema.
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (1999)
How did I see it: In the theaters
What was good about it: One of the coolest villains ever in Darth Maul, pod racing scene, and overall good casting.
Why it disappoints: Let me start out by saying I like this movie. It still was a disappointment. Coming after the original trilogy there was no way for a new Star Wars movie to live up to the hype. This one didn't even come close though. The story was lack luster, the heavy use of CGI was unnecessary (use puppets!), and the entire film screams average. The gungans sucked, especial Jar Jar who wasn't even funny. I ended up feeling completely apathetic towards the space fight at the end. It lacked all the excitement of the Death Star attacks in episodes 4 and 6. The movie was a let down for sure.
3 Ninjas Knuckle Up (1995)
How did I see it: On VHS baby!
What was good about it: Victor Wong was in it. I think that's it.
Why it disappoints: In 3 Ninjas they take down a guy who is building a ninja army to provide muscle for his arms dealing activities. Cool. In 3 Ninjas Kick Back they go to Japan to stop this guy from gathering the ancient weapons to open the cave of gold. Cool. In 3 Ninjas Knuckle up they stop a rich bad guy on an Indian reservation who has the police and the mayor in his pocket. It's so trite it's painful. Any movie involving an Indian reservation is a movie I don't want to see. What do Indians have to do with Ninjas? I'm so glad I don't remember most of this movie.
Batman and Robin (1997)
How did I see it: In the theaters
What was good about it: I think Chris O'Donnell was a good choice for Robin because he breaks the "I'm a little boy side kick" mold
Why it disappoints: Nothing else in this movie was good. They took two of my favorite villains, Mr Freeze and Bane, and they destroyed them. Mr Freeze became an ice themed Arnold Schwarzenegger giving out crappy puns. Bane was a brute. The man is supposed to be a genius! And if ruining to comic book characters isn't enough, the bat suit had nipples. I wish that was joke. Nipples.
Mio in the Land of Faraway (1987)
How did I see it: bought it on dvd
What was good about it: Favorite actor Christopher Lee was the villain. Also Christian Bale is in it.
Why it disappoints: I wanted to see this movie so bad because of it's rarity. The dvd I have literally went around the world to get to me, starting in Australia. This film has some of the worst acting I have seen. The kids were bad at acting. The adults were bad at acting. Christopher Lee, although not bad in the movie, was certainly not bringing his A game.
Rambo 3 (1988)
How did I see it: Given to me as a gift on dvd
What was good about it: Rambo fills a hole in his body with gunpowder and then lights it on fire to stop the bleeding.
Why it disappoints: First Blood - Rambo can't adjust to civilian life in a world that rejects him. Rambo - Rambo goes back to Vietnam to rescue POWs. Rambo 3 - Rambo goes to Afghanistan to bail out Col. Trautman. I have never been a fan of Afghanistan. At the time everybody loved Afghanistan because it was like Russia's Vietnam. The movie is nothing more than a propaganda film and it pales in comparison to the previous films.
Dark Floors (2008)
How did I see it: OnDemand
What was good about it: It had Lordi in it.
Why it disappoints: The movie was not scary and it had bad acting. The only reason why anyone, including me, would see this movie is because Lordi is in it. I wanted to see Lordi running amok and going crazy. Mr Lordi, the leader of Lordi, only appears for a short time at the end of the film. The movie has something to do with time warps and parallel dimensions but I don't really care. I wanted more monsters.
Lilo and Stitch (2002)
How did I see it: In the theaters
What was good about it: The aliens, including Stitch, were cool looking, I also liked the scene when Stitch pretended to be a giant monster.
Why it disappoints: Where's the Disney magic? I didn't see any magic. The social worker is going to take Lilo away from her mom. Why? Because Lilo is a little crap and causes trouble all the time. Whatever. This movie was flanked by Atlantis and Treasure Planet. I saw both and didn't care for them. There were know cute lovable characters. I didn't expect Disney magic. I expected it with Lilo and Stitch, and I was denied. All Disney magic seems to be being funneled into Pixar now.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.